The Balance

A year is just around the bend since I last posted something on my long lost forsaken blog =C

Well, playing the blame game, I blame my 'no time' on work. Work work and more work. I moved to Singapore and with that, even more work, even more work and even more work T.T

This pass one year has been a roller coaster ride for me, I had my fair share depressing moments to joyful moments. Yes.. I'm still a Student in the 'Heart' area; but already a Master at work =/ 

Today, I could not sleep. Something was bothering me and as much as I try to sleep, my body just would not go to sleep. So I sat on my bed. Thinking... thinking... and thinking... I realized something.. that I don't have a life. My daily routine is just eat, sleep, work. I was bored to shit. Even on a holidays, I never seize to stop thinking about work; and that is the problem. I'm always minding other people's business.

I do not have a balance in my current state, and that really is not a good thing. It's not fun either being like this. In the midst of reminding myself that I need to balance work and play, comes an email chasing me for documentation or requesting support for a new problem etc.. the problem never ends.. Then I'm back to square one; even more work, even more work and even more work T.T

But in the midst of my realization, I remembered a teaching from this humble Buddhist monk, Ajahn Brahm, where in his book 'Opening the Door of Your Heart' he tells of a story of 3 types of gardener. The first would work in the garden non-stop, with the hope to later enjoy the beauty of nature. The problem is he never stopped. He continued working on the garden as the garden continues to need sweeping, watering, pruning, etc.

The second gardener sat in the garden to admire the beauty of the garden. His mind wandered into what needs to be done but he never really picked up the rack to sweep the leaves etc. It was only thinking of needing to do work but no actual work done. The grass grew, vines grew and choke the flowers and it soon it was not a beautiful garden.

I don't remember the third gardener.. but it hit me that I am like the first gardener. I keep telling myself I will earn to be able to enjoy my life luxuriously. I will this and that after I have completed my work. The problem is.. work is never done. I never have time for myself. Never have time to relax. It's always about even more work, even more work and even more work T.T

It's not easy trying to break away from this cycle.. but, I am trying. little by little, with a little motivation from here and there, I believe I will soon get back the balance I once had.