Pondering

I'm alone now. Everyone else has gone back to their family for the Chinese New Year holiday and I won't be doing that till tomorrow. Well, now that I'm alone, I could not help but to ponder on a lot of things. Relationship, family, friends, studies, the future and the list goes on. What spurred me to start thinking was the silence around me and the thought of Chinese New year.

Year after year, I celebrate this auspicious season with my family and close friends but thinking about it deeper, it also means another year has come and gone. I'm not getting any younger and pretty soon, I'll be moving on to the next phase of my life and become a working class individual. I'm thinking, will I be successful? what will I be doing for a living? will I be a good provider for my family (when the time comes)? I can't find answers to those questions.

I'm taking the relationship I'm in 1 day at a time. While I'm trying to write a happy ending for it, things are never certain. But it's more than just trying to write a happy ending. Soon, she'll be where her job takes her and the same goes for me. How are we going to maintain the relationship if it becomes a long distance relationship? Again, I have no answer to that. 

Pondering on the future can be quite taxing for the brain, well at least mine, so somehow, I drifted to my final lap in the university. My dad has been calling me even more frequent now to check on and  reminding me to study. That's not a bad thing of course it's just that him calling me so frequent now makes me a little more nervous. I'm got to think about my Final Year Project (FYP), my assignments and my mid-term tests. Will I be able to handle them. Yea.. I've been through tons of tests and assignments but being in the final year makes it all the more different. I just feel that way. I'm kinda wondering if I'll be able to make it out of my FYP alive. 

Well, it seems after writing so much, I only have questions. No answers, no solutions. What a drag... 

With all these questions and doubts and uncertainty, I feel lost.

Reading my draft and re-reading them again, I realized I definitely have no answers to what my future holds. But what I suddenly realized is that I can plan and act so as to not end up being what I don't want to be. It seems logical now doesn't it? Now hopefully, the Tiger will roar some courage, confidence and strength to turn this little spark into a strong bright flame. Happy Chinese New Year!!!